One bite at a time

I am a habitual gobbler.

Admitting it is the first step.

Today at lunch, I was multitasking like I actually had to.  I was carrying on a conversation with my mother, surfing online, and eating a tuna sandwich.  For me to eat a tuna sandwich and fries, I have to first make sure I have mayo.  If I don't, I have to make some (or rather my mother does since, as a stay-at-home daughter I have a deal worked out where she makes the mayo and I make meringues with the whites).  Then I have to bake fresh buckwheat flat bread.  And I have to chop and bake the oven fries.  I can only eat one brand of tuna, so I have to make sure that I have that on hand.

That's a lot of work for one tuna sandwich.

And here I sat, distracted, gobbling up a meal that took me nearly and hour to make.  I wasn't enjoying it.  I wasn't even really tasting it.  I was just shoveling the food in to my mouth without a second thought.  It doesn't seem fair, does it?  I had put in all that work, and now I wasn't enjoying it. This has become my habit.  I don't chew and enjoy my food any more.  I seem to be racing against some sort of time crunch.  There's a food quota I gotta make today, and I gotta eat fast to do it.

I put my sandwich down and thought about it.  Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I was just doing this to food.  Sure, not chewing my food  as well as I should certainly can lead to some mild digestive discomfort.  This is just a symptom of a much greater problem.

I have nothing to do right now since I'm unemployed.  I can do anything I want to do.  I can meditate at 2pm, nap until sunset, and I can go out star gazing until 4am if I want.  And, yet, I rush around mentally.  I'm not living in the moment or even in the day.  Most of the time my brain is far away in a future that may or may not be.

I am gobbling up my time the same way I am gobbling up my food.

I want that to change.  The only way I can make that change is just to do it.  I want to move towards a more mindful approach to my life.  I only get this one, and I've already lived 28 years of it.  I'm not sure what my future will hold, so there's no point in fretting about it or even looking forward to it.

I think Master Oogway said it best in Kung Fu Panda:

Yesterday is history.

Tomorrow is a mystery.

Today is a gift.

That's why it's called the present.